I hope...

I've got a potion from the Friar. It will make me sleep. I have spent all day pretending to be excited about clothing, wedding preparations, everything. It kind of breaks my heart that all of these people will be mourning tomorrow if all goes as planned. All this work wasted on the girl who will die tonight. I really hope i don't actually die though. There is a chance something could go wrong...but I am willing to chance it. When I awaken in the tomb I just hope madness will not consume me. But Friar is sending word to Romeo and I am sure he will be there when I wake. I hope it all goes as planned. I hope I shall live with Romeo safely in Mantua. I hope this potion works right. I hope so many things, but there comes a time that i need to just conquer my fear, and drink the potion in the vial. I will say goodbye to my mother and my father in my heart. Maybe my nurse if I feel any sympathy for her as the potion takes effect. I am sure I will though. I am so at peace now, that I will be with Romeo soon, that Paris won't be a problem and that I will not have to worry about any of this ever again. So, I guess I will drink the potion from the vial. And hope.

A Little Happiness Mixed In With Sadness

Romeo and I were reunited last night. It was the happiest moment in my life. I had thought I would never see Romeo ever again, but that night was the most complete I had ever felt in my life. However he had to leave so early because my mother had news. What news it was. I HAVE to marry Paris now. Its planned! Tuesday next! Romeo sent away so i could hear news about marriage to someone else. How is this fair? I tried to tell them about Romeo, but I got too tongue-tied and if I don't marry Paris, I will be sent out to live on the street! In the cold, alone, I just can't handle that! Even nurse's advise was to marry Paris. She want's me to give up Romeo. So he's in Mantua, so what? Distance doesn't stop our love. Nothing can ever stop our love! Not blind stubbornness, not obstacles, NOTHING! I am going to Friar Lawrence. I know he's that last person who can help me now. I will do anything, ANYTHING. I will not marry Paris. I love Romeo, and I will be faithful to Romeo alone. Nothing will get me even close to Paris. My parents do not know what they are doing, so i can not blame them completely, but nurse....that hurt. She told me to get over Romeo and accept Paris? Well, that is not happening. Romeo is my only. I will do anything. 

TRAGEDY

NO!!! A most terrible thing has happened! So much death, and in all my happiness! Tybalt killed a friend of Romeo's and Romeo, Romeo has killed Tybalt! My mother is in hysterics, and my father is trying to console her. My nurse of course is also in hysterics, but she is just so melodramatic. The thing is, I had feared something like this. I had heard rumors about Tybalt and his temper flaring up at the Montagues for being at the party. I had thought it would be like normal, that Tybalt would once again be more a man of fancy words rather than of deadly actions. But now things are terrible! Romeo has been banished, and I fear I shall never see him again! My love so strong just hours ago is drowning, drowning in a sea of tears. They think I weep for Tybalt and I shall not take the breath or muster the courage to tell them the truth. I don't know what I shall do with myself, and I fear I shall just die.

I Am A Wife!

I am now officially married! Funny really, I would rather die than marry Paris, but I would rather die than not be married to Romeo! I love Romeo with my whole heart! The marriage ceremony was so moving. Friar Lawrence wed us, and anytime I felt nervous, I just looked into his eyes and everything was okay again. My cheeks still hurt from all the smiling! I am still giddy from the whole thing! Nurse is gone now, she is bringing him his ring from me. She will be back soon and advise me on what to do next. She knows about everything, as it is so difficult to keep anything from her. She and Friar Lawrence have been so helpful in arranging our marriage. They were the two people I could trust. Going to either of my parents would be laughable if it wasn't so scary. My mother would probably flip out and my father, well, theres no saying what he would do. But it would not be pleasant. After all, not only did I get married to a man other than the one they picked out for me without them knowing, the man is a Montague. But with all the love in my heart for Romeo, I can't seem to bring myself to care about what my parents think.

Balconies Are My New Favorite Place

Wow. That is all I can say! I know I said I wouldn't post until tomorrow but something amazing has happened tonight! I went out on the balcony. And I began telling the night air how unfair it was that Romeo, my sweet Romeo, had to be a Montague! Of course, then I hear a voice in the garden, I was so afraid for a minute that someone was going to attack me, but something worse happened. It was Romeo, who had heard everything!!! I mean, he was so sweet about it but I was so embarrassed. I forgot soon though, because ROMEO MONTAGUE WAS IN MY GARDEN CLIMBING ONTO MY BALCONY! I told him it wasn't safe, that he should leave before he gets caught. But he said he would rather die than leave. Never before had i heard such  love in someone's voice. We talked for a while, and of course, kissed. Anywhere his hand touched me, my face, my neck, my arm, the place tingled. Tingled! I couldn't imagine life with anyone but him. And guess what? We're going to be married tomorrow! Never before have I been so happy. I began the day dreading a loveless marriage, but now I have love and marriage is all I want! How quickly priorities can change. I will barely sleep tonight, I am so excited for tomorrow!

A Surprise At The Party

Something wonderful has happened! Unfortunately, it was also something awful in disguise.The good news first. I met a wonderful guy! The bad news? He's a Montague. I'm sure some people reading this will not realize the significance of such a name. I'll explain. The Capulets and the Montagues are bitter enemies. For example, when my cousin Tybalt and I were children, we never played Knights and Dragons as many of the other children did. We were taught Capulets and Montagues and the Capulets always won. This feud is huge, much bigger than a few people. In fact it has spanned generations. And so you see the terrible situation of finding a perfect man in an enemy. When our eyes locked...there are no words. He was so charming, and so amazing. And when he kissed me, it was nothing like that terrible attempt of a kiss when I was 11 with one of the neighborhood boys. Anyway, I am smitten with Romeo. That's his name. Romeo. I can easily forget that it is followed by Montague. The problem is that other people can't. The problem is the prejudice! I wouldn't have talked to him had I known he was a Montague, and never have met who I think, well, I think he is my true love! 
The rest of the party was fine. Lots of dancing. Lots of avoiding Paris. The man might be handsome, but he is like cheese. Nice enough, but boring. Boring as cheese. I suppose I will just go get some air before bed. I will be sure to write tomorrow!

Beginning My Story

 I've begun a blog because, well, something has happened. Something I am not pleased about. My mother came to me today to discuss...marriage. Yes, marriage! I'm thirteen! I am well aware that girls my age are married and pregnant, but our family is well off, and we don't need to marry for money or security. I don't think she understands how much I really DON'T want to get married. You see, I had a friend. Katherine. We were so close. Last year she was married off to some duke. I haven't seen her since, and from her letters, I can tell she is miserable though she tries to hide it. I'm not holding out some fantasy for true love, a knight on a horse like those stories my nurse used to tell me. But I certainly don't want to end up like Katherine, taken away to live with some stranger, pregnant with his child. I certainly don't want to be my mother either. Of course I can't tell my own mother that, it would be out of the question. So instead I write. 

This man that she wants me to marry, his name is Paris. They say he's perfect. Well then, let him be perfect for some other maiden, because I don't want him. A flower? They call him a flower! Well, I don't care. He can be crushed under my heel easily like flowers are. Of course, I must again be quiet and do the best I can to please my mother. I will try to get along, and maybe even love him. After all, judging someone before you meet them isn't at all fair. Even though I'm already mad at him for wanting to marry me. I don't care about all there would be to gain from this match; I care more about having my freedom. Oh, how I wish I could just go to my mother and tell her all of this. But I always get so tongue-tied around her, and my words come out wrong if I speak in anger or frustration. I have to remain calm, but her utter apathy when I raise my tone annoys me! 

However, I am cooling from this subject. I am mad at my mother, yes, but there is a joy coming into my life. A party! A wonderful party is being held tonight! I am to wear my violet gown with the yellow embroidery. It is new, just recently bought. Of course, it was probably bought to impress Paris, but that fact is easy to ignore as the dress is just lovely and it lets me move as well, so I shall not be hindered in my dancing! I should be there already, but there was a hold up in the kitchen, and mother doesn't want me to enter without her to seek out the Count Paris, (I'm sure she thinks I'll mess it up somehow) so, while she sorts out the dilemma, I write this in secret. However, I am sure she will be returning soon, and I am so eager to join the party anyway. I shall write again tonight, to tell of my impression of Paris, and how the party went.